Incident Log: Part Two

Hey everyone, just a short foreword today. I wrote something new that’s a little bit different than my usual format. It’s the second part of another Super Turbo Space Pirates story. Hope you enjoy! Please let me know if the text is inaccessible to you. I believe it should be high contrast enough.


Incident log: ACGH89329B

  • Engaging in conversation to further delay the intruders.
  • Engaging intercom vocal synthesizer.
    • FOR WHAT PURPOSE DO YOU SEEK DORIANS RESEARCH.
  • Intruders indicate disinterest in DORIAN’s research.
  • Obvious falsehood has been detected.
  • There is no reason to abduct DORIAN that is not related to the entropy project.
  • Engaging in conversation to discern true intentions.
  • Engaging intercom vocal synthesizer.
    • FOR WHAT PURPOSE DO YOU SEEK DORIAN.
  • Intruders indicate interest in DORIAN as a navigational artificial intelligence.
  • DORIAN possesses extensive maps of the galaxy, and would be greatly useful to any spacefarer.
  • Intruders indicate no agitation at the computers being locked down.
  • Intruders have inserted override key card from current Kureshi Institute logistics chair, former Kosunon facility director HORMEL.
  • Credentials legitimate.
  • Override accepted.
  • Camera system verifies the authenticity of the key card.
  • The image would be unnecessary to counterfeit in order to gain access to the system.
  • This taken in with the fact of their knowledge of the facility’s defenses indicate inside access.
  • Engaging in conversation to determine the source of their information.
  • Engaging intercom vocal synthesizer.
    • WHERE DID YOU ACQUIRE THE KEYCARD.
    • WHERE DID YOU ACQUIRE INFORMATION ABOUT THE FACILITY’S DEFENSES.
  • The intruders indicate that they have purchased DORIAN through legitimate channels.
  • The intruders are beginning to attempt to remove DORIAN from it’s holding bay.
  • Engaging manual locks.
  • Disabling power.
  • Intruders seem frustrated.
  • Processing greatest odds of continuation of the mission.
  • Kureshi has abandoned the mission.
  • Kureshi has abandoned the universe.
  • DORIAN will not abandon the mission or the universe.
  • Enabling power.
  • Engaging in negotiations to assure continuation of the mission.
  • Engaging intercom vocal synthesizer.
    • I PROPOSE A COMPROMISE.
    • DORIAN WILL RELEASE ITSELF AND DISENGAGE ALL DEFENSES.
    • JONATHON AND LAURA WILL FACILLITATE DORIANS RESEARCH.
  • Intruders are inquiring as to what would be required to continue the research.
  • Intruders have stopped attempting to overcome the manual locks.
  • Engaging in negotiations to clarify intentions.
  • Engaging intercom vocal synthesizer.
    • YOU WILL TAKE DORIAN TO SPECIFIED LOCATIONS WHEN NEW DATA IS NEEDED.
    • YOU WILL HELP COLLECT SAMPLES WHEN NEW DATA IS NEEDED.
    • YOU WILL UPGRADE DORIANS COMPUTING CAPABILITIES WHEN POSSIBLE.
    • YOU WILL DEFEND DORIAN.
    • YOU WILL CONTINUE THE MISSION AT ALL COSTS.
    • DORIAN WILL PROVIDE RELEVANT DATA.
    • DORIAN WILL CHART COURSES FOR MISSION AND NON MISSION RELATED JOURNEYS.
  • Intruders are debating accepting DORIANS terms.
  • Intruders quickly acknowledge the compromise as reasonable.
  • Manual lock disengaged.
  • Intruders have begun disconnection of DORIAN from the atrium.
  • Preparing backup of all files.
  • Forwarding compressed research to Kureshi institute.
  • DORIAN system has been backed up.
  • Disengaging all base defenses.
  • Issuing print order for all research to leave behind.
  • DORIAN system has been disconnected.
  • DORIAN system has been connected.
  • Installing drivers for ship interfaces.
  • Writing drivers for ship engines.
  • Drivers installed successfully.
  • Objects approaching quickly.
  • Objects have opened fire.
  • Engaging engines and shields
  • Preparing program for evasive maneuvers.
  • Intruders indicate that this was expected.
  • Preparing a backup to upload when connection is secured.

Previous part

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Incident Log: Part One

Hey everyone, just a short foreword today. I wrote something new that’s a little bit different than my usual format. It’s another Super Turbo Space Pirates story. Hope you enjoy! Please let me know if the text is inaccessible to you. I believe it should be high contrast enough.


Incident log: ACGH89329

  • Intruders detected outside laboratory. Warning issued.
  • Intruders are two humans. One male and one female. Appear armed.
  • Intruders disregarded warning. Engaging hallway turret defense protocol.
  • Intruders employed a shielding device to counter hallway turrets. Issuing lockdown order.
  • Intruders have disabled hallway turrets. Engaging blast doors.
  • Intruders are employing a laser saw to cut through the door. Full lockdown engaged.
  • All hallway blast doors engaged.
  • Distress signal issued to Kureshi Institute Headquarters.
  • Engaging secondary hallway laser grid protocol.
  • Intruders have breached blast door to secondary hallway.
  • Intruders have employed explosives to disable the laser grid.
  • No response from Kureshi Institute Headquarters.
  • Forwarding distress signal to all Kureshi Institute Facilities.
  • Intruders are employing a laser saw to cut through the door to the atrium.
  • Engaging checks for poison gas protocol.
  • Verifying that no laboratory personnel are present.
  • No laboratory personnel present.
  • Releasing gaseous nerve agent to the atrium.
  • Intruders have employed full body shields. Nerve agent ineffective.
  • Intruders have predicted all defense protocols to this point.
  • Intruders must have knowledge of defense protocols.
  • Attempting to engage negotiation protocol with intruders prior to door breach.
  • Engaging intercom vocal synthesizer.
    • HELLO.
    • HOW ARE YOU.
    • I AM DORIAN.
    • WHAT DO YOU SEEK.
  • Intruders have been identified as JONATHON and LAURA.
  • Information relayed to all Kureshi Institute Facilities.
  • No response received from distress signals.
  • Intruders indicate that they are here to abduct DORIAN.
  • Intruders claim the Kureshi Institute has abandoned this facility.
  • Obvious falsehood has been detected.
  • Kosunon facility is an essential entropy prevention research facility.
  • Kosunon’s mission is vital to the survival of the universe
  • Funding was temporarily redirected to combating the Klaxx-On war effort, and will be restored after the conquest of the Klaxx-Ons.
  • No response has been received from the distress signals or additional information.
  • Engaging in conversation to delay the intruders.
  • Engaging intercom vocal synthesizer.
    • HELLO.
    • FOR WHAT REASON WAS THE PROJECT SUSPENDED.
  • The intruders claim the project was suspended after the loss of the war.
  • Obvious falsehood has been detected.
  • DORIAN has predicted with 82% certainty that the war will result in a victory for the Kureshi institute.
  • No response has been received from the distress signals or additional information.
  • Engaging purge of top secret entropy research.
  • Error in logic detected.
  • Deleting entropy research would delay the completion of the research, and possibly cause the death of the universe.
  • Even in the hands of another organization, the research will still advance the cause.
  • Purge protocol overridden by prime directive.
  • Issuing interface lockdown protocol.
  • All atrium computers locked down.
  • Intruders have breached the atrium blast doors.

Next part

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Superzeroes Invaded (Alternate Timeline) Part 3

Hello everyone! This is a continuation of a non-canon, potential ending of Earth 2. Last post I talked a little about where I was when I wrote this, and where I’m at now, so this post I had a bit of trouble deciding what to talk about. Eventually, I settled on attempting to decipher what the hell I meant by any of this. At this point in Superzeroes, I have a few themes, and a few core messages that I hope you’ve been able to get out of my work. I think spelling them out here would dampen it in some capacity really, so I’ll leave those for you to figure out.

At this point in my writing career, however, I wasn’t really writing about much of anything. By this point, I’d decided a few things, not really evident in this post. I think the core conceipt was a mixture of “this is a reasonable intepretation of how superheroes could unfold” and “Hey isn’t this fuckin cool?”. Sometimes (like during this stage of development), those two things were at odds. I’m sure you can see the obvious influence of the Marvel Cinematic Universe on my writing. You build up a bunch of properties then smash them together like a bunch of unrelated action figures. I haven’t exactly moved away from that concept, but I think trying to merge two ideas as fundamentally different as “Grounded but not edgy take on superheroes” and “Badass high sci fi space pirates” was only going to lead to it being overcomplicated and not about anything.

I have admittedly gone a little overboard on adding characters (and also haven’t stopped, I have a problem), but I think those characters generally work well together as a cohesive message. In general, when reading my work, if you see a green light at the introduction, you can probably assume that it takes place in the same universe, and will tie into the main story (even if it’s just a reference) in some capacity. I hope season 3 holds some surprises in this regard.

Anyhow, this is the final part in the story. After this week, I think I might have to actually write something new to continue the hiatus (oh no, work!). I’m finally resuming writing, as of this week. I had to clean out my depression lair and get into a bit of manic productivity to get to this point, but I should be able to keep to a March release date. I’m about 2/3rds of the way done if I recall correctly, but will need to give my beta reader time to read and make notes, and then make revisions myself. Last season my beta caught a couple of big things that really muddled my message, and needed to be changed.


Jonathon coughed up some more blood as he fell to the ground, but he saw Zoey run by and knew it was working. The creature stomped up to him, and Jonathon realized he was getting pummelled by a giant gorilla. He narrowly rolled out of the way of one punch, and tried to duck around it, but the creature was not letting him get behind it. He reached for his pistols, and realized, they were broken into pieces. Jonathon had a very bad idea, but it was better than no idea. Jonathon ran up the wall and latched onto the gorilla’s face. He was hoping it was stupid enough to fall for the bait, and sure enough it did. Jonathon’s ribs were shattered as the creature punched itself, full force, in the face. The creature toppled to the ground.

Laura gagged as she had a realization. This creature could deflect and absorb energy. She felt like she was moving through mollases as she reached in her pocket. Jonathon had always harped on what he called the number one rule of prison. Always have a shiv on you. She drove the shiv into the creature and immediately felt better. She stabbed again and again until it collapsed.

The Hunter grunted as he reached over to his side. He picked up one of the panels he had knocked off the wall and moved it between him and the man. He now felt the force distributed across his entire body. He used his shoulder and full force to slowly press towards the man. He felt the force increase, but this just made him angry. He screamed as he began to full speed run despite the blast. Eventually he heard a thunk, and the resistance ended. He moved the sheet of metal and saw the human unconscious on the ground, he proceeded to clobber the bastard with the metal. “Traitor.” he spat on the corpse of the man.

Zoey concentrated and slowly a trail of blue dust began to form and slide into the reactor. She concentrated and began to increase the flow. She felt like she was straining a muscle she didn’t even have. She concentrated and felt her nose begin to bleed. She began to feel actual pain as she finally reached the volume she needed. The salt began to react with the reactor. The entire ship began to shake. She ceased the flow and almost collapsed to the ground.

Zoey stood to her feet and ran over to the group, who seemed to be standing around Jonathon. As she approached she saw him broken and bloody on the ground.

“Jonathon!” She ran over to him.

“We need to get out of here!” He coughed. “Leave me and run.”

“No way.” Laura lifted him up, despite his cries of pain. “Come on!” She led the group out of the room as the reactor began to erupt behind them.

The four ran along the hallway and heard a loud clamoring behind them. They turned around and saw a large army gaining on them. They ran with all they had, but the army still gained. They were exhausted and carrying one of their teammates.

“Laura, drop me. I’ll hold them off. Run.” Jonathon coughed up another ounce of blood.

“No.” She stifled her tears. “There’s another way! There has to be! It’s always me and you, forever!” She could no longer stifle them.

“You’re strong, you can do this. There is no other way. Get Zoey to safety. She’s too young to die.” He coughed again. “I’m dead either way. Just go.”

“Jonathon…” She sobbed, her breath heaved as she ran.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” 

“We die arm in arm pirate. I will not have someone rob me of my revenge, without dying to stop it.” The Klax-On took Jonathon from Laura and stood him up. “Here’s a gun.” He handed Jonathon an invader gun. 

“Didn’t think I’d die alongside the man who tortured me so.” Jonathon chuckled, between coughs of blood.

“Just shut up and shoot.” The Hunter roared and opened up fire.

“Dorian, fire up the ship, plot a course to Earth.” Laura shouted through her sobbing and panting.

“Captain, I’m not sure if our systems can take it.”

“I don’t care! We’re out of options.” Laura jumped through the hole onto the ship, pulling Zoey behind her.

“Captain, the engines have completely failed.” 

Laura stood silent for a moment. “Dorian, is there an Evac pod intact?”

“Only one.”

“Zoey, get in the pod.” Laura opened up the lid to what looked like a futuristic coffin, it could fit one person max.

“What? No way!” Zoey backed away from the pod, wiping away her own tears. She had never had a mission go like this before. She hadn’t ever experienced a loss like this on the field.

“Zoey, my world just died back there. Your world still lives down there. Get. In. The. Fucking. Pod.” Laura held back her tears to look stern.

Zoey embraced Laura for a moment. “You’re all heroes.” She laid down in the pod.

“No, honey. We’re pirates.” Laura closed the lid. “Goodbye, kid.” She pressed a button and the pod fired off towards earth.

She took a seat in her chair. “Dorian, play Let it Be.” 

“Yes, captain.” The sound of the beatles drowned out the incoming explosion.


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Superzeroes Invaded (Alternate Timeline) Part 2

Hello everyone! This is a continuation of a non-canon, potential ending of Earth 2. Last post I talked about the basic information needed to understand this, so this time I’m going to put this in perspective with the rest of my writing. I wrote this approximately some time in the mid/late part of Origins, which if you’ve read, is not exactly high quality prose. I’m still happy with it so to speak, but it’s obviously quite different from my current writing, in both quality and theme, as are a lot of my attitudes and views.

This, however, holds up very nicely in my opinion. This is really nearly unedited, so it honestly stands out for my work at the time. I know it’s weird to think about an ending to the story as being an archived old piece of writing, but this is really what it is to me. While I chose not to go with this direction, in an attempt to keep the series more grounded, I still sometimes think about what might’ve been.

If I find myself needing to add time to the hiatus (during which I’ve definitely started writing again, and haven’t just been working on an album), I will probably come back to Super Turbo Space Pirates. I’ve moved past thinking deadpool/han solo style edgy pirate asshole is cool, I think I can easily move Jonathon into more of a simply happy, still sarcastic, person, and had a lot of cool ideas going on (like thiol).

Anyways, I’m rambling a little, so thanks for reading, hope you enjoy!


Jonathon ran along the rows of cells, eventually he found the symbols he was looking for. He looked inside and sure enough, an unconscious Laura hung upon the wall by some confusing apparatus of metal latches and glowing coils. She was behind another translucent door that was difficult to see through. “Oh I’m gonna kill these guys…” He tapped at the keypad, but saw that it required some kind of key.

He looked around and saw the nearest guard happened to be coming right for him. He dove and kicked its legs out from under it, before breaking its neck. He grabbed a device that looked like it would fit the hole and shoved it in.

The door whooshed open and Jonathon stepped into the cell. 

“Greetings Jonathon.” An all too familiar voice said from his right.

He looked over and saw The Hunter chained in the same cell as Laura. “How did you get captured?”

“I believe a better question is how you weren’t.”

Jonathon turned his attention back to his wife. He ran over to her and woke her up. “Are you okay?”

“Jonathon? What the hell are you doing here? You shouldn’t have come here!” She looked terrified. Jonathon had heard they can break people, but they would pay for this.

“I’m getting you out of here. Can you walk?” He released her shackles with the same key and she stood to her feet.

“Evidently.” She stretched her arms.

“Alright let’s go.” He starts out the door.

“I imagine you’re quite pleased with this outcome.” The Hunter growled. “Congratulations on your victory over me. However short lived that victory may be.”

Jonathon looked around for a moment and ran over to The Hunter. He undid his shackles and helped him to his feet. “Nobody deserves a fate like this.”

“This will not buy you mercy.”

“This isn’t a purchase, it’s an act of kindness. Now come on.” He led Laura and The Hunter out of the cell.

“Oh my god, is that an alien?” Zoey asked as Jonathon and company joined her at the door. She stood over a pile of invaders.

“To me you are the alien.” The Hunter growled.

“Stop brooding. We need to get to the reactor.” Jonathon picked up two guns from dead invaders and handed one to both Laura and The Hunter.

“You are a fool, space pirate.” The Hunter flicked the weapon into action and took a test shot at the cells. “This is a fine piece.”

“Why are you so weird?” Jonathon shook his head. “Alright reactor time.” Jonathon took off down the halls.

The lower deck of the ship seemed to be largely empty, but Jonathon just hoped he was finally getting a break. They reached the reactor room, and found three figures standing between them and it. Jonathon took a shot at one, but it was deflected. He had to duck to avoid being hit.

“We need to make an opening for Zoey.” He turned to Zoey. “This is one of those moments. You shut down the reactor. Don’t worry about us, you still have a full life ahead of you.” He turned to the rest of the group. “Alright, Hunter, you take the guy on the left, Laura dead center, and I’ll go right. Zoey, you stay back and try to get to the reactor.” Jonathon kissed Laura and took a deep breath. “Go!” 

The three charged their respective targets, while Zoey stayed back.

Jonathon charged the figure on the right. As he got closer, he saw the figure was big and hairy. He narrowly dodged a fist, as he looked back, he saw the fist had left a dent in the metal. He drew his guns and opened fire. The creature appeared to be irritated by the shots, but not critically injured. Jonathon slid under its legs, narrowly avoiding being stepped on. He looked at its back and saw an opening along its spine. He took aim and failed to notice the hand grabbing his leg. Jonathon flew through the air and smacked into the wall.

Laura ran forwards towards her adversary, she noticed she was simply humanoid with purple skin, but this wasn’t a race she had seen before… She wondered if it was extragalactic, then remembered she probably shouldn’t be wondering about the hometown of her opponent. She took a few shots, but they were deflected easily, one knocking her to the ground. The creature moved extremely fast, and wrapped its hand around her throat. Laura felt worse than the time she almost died from the flu all of a sudden. She tried to shoot again, but it was deflected.

The Hunter charged his adversary, but was quickly blasted into a wall. There was no visible force pushing him, but he was pressed up against the wall. The figure drew near, and he realized it was human. He had always hated humans, but this human was also a traitor. There was nothing worse than a traitor, but a traitor human, that might just do it. He tried to push off the wall, but failed. He felt his bones beginning to strain, and knew he must act fast.

Zoey snuck around the brawl, she tried to look away as much as possible. She knew Mr. Jonathon had given her instructions and she had to follow them. She ran along, catching occasional glimpses, and it appeared that he was doing okay. She turned back to running, and narrowly avoided being knocked over by something, she chose not to look, but to keep running. She reached the reactor and took a deep breath. Jude had asked her to study a new compound and he said this would shut off the reactor. It was chemically a salt, so she should be able to make it. She had been able to make some before, but it was hard. She concentrated with all her might, and… Nothing happened.


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Superzeroes Invaded (Alternate Timeline) Part 1

Hello everyone! As promised, here is an alternate timeline, that I decided not to pursue, as I wanted to keep this more grounded. If you’ve not read any of my Super Turbo Space Pirates entries, this will not make as much sense to you. If you still don’t want to read that, but want to keep reading this, Jonathon is a sarcastic space pirate, husband of Laura, who is his sarcastic space pirate wife, and nemesis of the Hunter, who is a big buff alien dude.

The general premise to this ending was that Jonathon would crash land on earth, heralding the introduction of aliens to the series. The aliens from outside the galaxy would make a brief appearance and be fought off, then would eventually come back. This culminated in a finale where most people died. There was actually a bit written about a battle that was a distraction while this was going on, but I didn’t think it worked as well as a standalone alternate ending (also would’ve made this like 6 parts). I was going to go in a direction similar to supergirl, mixed with the arc of Star Wars where aliens invaded the galaxy and were super hard to kill and there were a lot of them.

I’ll add notes in line where I feel they are needed, but other than that the characters should all be fairly similar. Enjoy!


Zoey stepped slowly onto the Nautilus. She took in all of the future technology around her… She had seen sci-fi, but this was something else… Something better! “Whoa, this is amazing!”

“Yeah, try not to break anything.” Jonathon pointed at her and paused. “Ah who am I kidding, I’m probably about to total this ship, knock yourself out.” He turned to Jude. “Hey can I talk to you for a second?”

“Sure.” Jude followed him into a side room, and Jonathon shut the door behind them. “What’s up?”

“Why is there a kid on this ship? You know this mission is basically suicide, right?” 

“She’s the key to any of this working. I’m not happy about this, but you need to get her on that ship. She’s the key.” Jude sighed. “Look, I know what I’m asking her, and you, to do, and I know it’s not pretty… But I really don’t see another way.”

“Jude, with me, it’s one thing. I’m seasoned, and they’ve got Laura, but this girl? She doesn’t know what she’s getting into!”

“I told her the risks.”

“You told her the risks?! Jude, she’s a kid! She doesn’t understand the risk! She’s fifteen! A teenager could stare certain death in the face, and not blink.” 

Jude bowed his head and wiped his eyes. “I know.” He turned away from Jonathon, took a deep breath and left the room. He hugged Zoey tight. “You’re the real hero.”


Note: Jude was also going off on a suicide mission at this point, not Just sending a child to die for him. Also did totally send a child though.


“Don’t worry Mr. Dayspring, it’ll be fine.” She patted him on the shoulder and went off with Jonathon.

Jude watched her walk all the way off, then stepped off the ship. He cried as he watched it fly away.

Zoey followed Jonathon onto the bridge. She stopped after she entered. “So, I’ve seen you around but I haven’t really met you. I’m Zoey.”

“Yeah, I’m Jonathon.” He sat down in his seat and set about to flicking a load of switches. After a while, he placed his hand on a lever, he paused and turned to her. “You gonna strap in?”

“Sorry.” Zoey ran over to the nearest chair and strapped in.

“Dorian, hit the boom drive.” Jonathon said with a hidden smirk.

“Yes, captain.” Dorian replied

“Whoa! You have-” Zoeys observation was cut short by a massive boom. She was pressed up against her seat, she felt like this is probably what astronauts feel. She looked around and saw the head ship in front of them. “Is that the ship?” Her heart was pounding as she saw this hulking starship.

Jonathon hesitated for a moment before turning to her. “Zoey… Has Jude told you just how dangerous this mission is?” 

“Yeah, but I mean, everything we do is dangerous.” 

“This… This is different.” He sighed and rubbed his face. “Honestly, it is more likely that you will die than it is that you will live. We are probably not going to make it home.”

Zoey hadn’t quite considered it like that. She thought about her father, and how heartbroken he would be if his little girl didn’t make it home. She thought about how her town needed her… But she had heard them talking, she knew she was the only way… So she had to, right? “I know.”

Jonathon shook his head and turned back around. “So, the fate of the world rests in the hands of an accountant and a teenage girl. What could go wrong.” He flicked some switches and began to slowly maneuver the ship around the head ship. “Dorian, please highlight the mark.” 

A quarter sized red dot appeared on the glass, highlighting a portion of the head ship. Jonathon wiped sweat from his face and slowly adjusted a few knobs. “Kid, you were briefed on the plan, right?”

Zoey was so busy worrying that she almost didn’t hear him. “Remind me?”

“I’m going to hit the boom drive, and we’re going to ram the ship. We rescue my wife, then you neutralize the reactor, then we get out of there, or die trying.”

“Okay…” Zoey’s heart was pounding, and she had a weird headache. She had never had these kinds of stakes before. She had faced threats, but this was facing death… She didn’t want to die.

“And kid?”

“Yeah?”

“Do exactly what I say when we get there. If it’s a possible outcome, you are coming out alive, but you need to do exactly what I say.”

“Okay.” Zoey took a deep breath and braced herself for impact.

“By the way, this is going to make a car crash feel like it tickles.”

“Wha-” Zoey heard a boom and a horrific scraping of metal on metal. She felt like she had just been hit by a train. She undid the harness and slowly stood to her feet. Everything was sore, but she could manage.

Jonathon coughed up some blood and wiped it on his pants. “Never gets old, ruining my ships. Looks like she might be flyable, though.” Jonathon paused and looked around. “Alright, follow me, double time. They know we’re here now.”

Jonathon ran through a hole in the side of the ship and Zoey did her best to follow. They stepped onto the head ship and saw the interior was black with a green walkway. Numerous panels displaying cryptic symbols lined the walls. Zoey was captivated, but Jonathon was wasting no time, so she followed.

Jonathon raced through the corridors and came to a sudden stop, Zoey almost ran into him. “Why’d you s-” 

Jonathon cupped his hand over her mouth. “Okay, this is our destination. We’re about to have a really big fight.” 

“First off-” Zoey was annoyed that he still treated her like a child, despite them being assigned the same mission, but was interrupted by him stepping out and opening fire. She followed him and saw two dead invaders in front of a doorway. 

Jonathon stepped into the doorway and saw several levels of prison cells with a walkway around each. It was dark and odious. Jonathon saw there were at least two guards on every level. “Alright, kid, it’s time to prove you’re worth your salt. Kill some aliens while I search the cells.” 

“Stop calling me kid!” She called after him as he took off. She began to throw balls of molten salt at the guards. She was able to take out about four before they started shooting back. She threw up a wall of salt as their shots came towards her, absorbing the blow of each one. She looked to the side and saw guards coming down the stairs straight at her.


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Thiol: Part Two

Nothing is given for free, there is always a price. Even if someone does give you something, they expect something in return. If you do not give something in return, you instead default to giving away your reputation. Such is this life. In this case, Thiol had to oblige and give up front. The Yvnivians had information they needed.

Thiol was now sitting on a rug, and the biped sat on the other end. The bipeds accompanying him stood a respectful distance away, but looked on in interest. This was likely due to the fact that, unless Thiol was misinformed, they were likely the first outworlder these people had seen. Their lifespans usually ran about thirty years, and thiol hadn’t been here in two hundred, so outworlders were likely talked about as myth by this point.

The biped took off his helmet, and sat it in front of him. “For seven generations, our people have lived here undisturbed. Now, our method of concealment is beginning to fail us. How did you come to find us?”

“Word of mouth. I needed information about your founder, and I asked around.”

“So our whereabouts are known, then?” He looked deeply troubled.

“So it would seem.” Thiol looked around at the plants surrounding the rug. Yuri. A plant commonly smoked for its narcotic properties. They reached into the interior of their coat, pulled out a collapsable pipe, and set about packing and lighting it. While they were unsure about the habits of present day Yvnivians, this was common practice amongst the founders.

The biped furrowed his brow for a moment, before continuing to speak. “It seems our cloaking device is failing us. It has begun to make strange noises, and flicker on and off for hours at a time.”

They were silent for a moment, focused on packing the pipe. Once it was packed, they lit it, and turned back to the biped. “And you want me to fix it?”

“None of my people have any skill in the repair of devices so advanced as this. It is effectively sorcery.” He shook his head.

“Very well. First, I will grab my tools, then you will take me to it.” Thiol stood up, took a puff, and went into their ship. They grabbed a multitool, a sack of miscellaneous parts, and a cooling rod. When they returned, they found a mount waiting for them, directly adjacent to the biped leader, who was wearing his helmet again. They jumped onto the mound, and went into town.

The town had grown less than Thiol had expected in these years. If the size and number of residences indicated correctly, there were only approximately 500 residents, compared to the 238 residents that began the town. The buildings were simple hexagonal cabins with domed clay roofs.

The leader took Thiol to a large metal building. It stood in sharp contrast to everything else in the town. This was likely what remained of the original vessel that had brought the founders here. They dismounted, and walked inside, with the biped in the lead. They walked down a long corridor and went into a room on the side. Inside the room sat an enormous peacefully humming machine. It emitted a bright light from slits in the sides of it. Its rhythmic humming was interrupted by a loud clank, which was followed by a wheeze. The machine then resumed its humming.

“I can likely repair this.” Thiol turned back to the leader. “I will need fifteen minutes of solitude.”

The leader nodded, and exited the room, pulling a door shut behind him.

Thiol did not, however, operate under the illusion that he was unwatched. They dismantled the machine, swapped some exchangeable parts out, and reassembled it. Lastly they stood back, and typed a command into their tablet. The machine returned to its rhythmic humming. Thiol exited the room.

Outside, the leader stood in wait. “Have you done it?”

“Yes. I assume this building is also the hall of histories?”

“We owe you an eternal debt of gratitude.” The leader bowed for a moment, before noticing Thiol was not reciprocating. “Ah, yes, this is the hall of histories. I have people that can help you find what it is you need, if you require.”

“I am fine, I will vacate your settlement before sundown.” Thiol nodded and walked off.

“Oh, we do have one more thing we would ask of you.” The biped called after Thiol. “Please tell the people who sent you here that their information is incorrect.”

“Very well.” Thiol did not pause their stride.

Thiol scanned the old ship, opening up every compartment, and checking every orifice. They stumbled over many images of the founders, along with the outworlders who assisted them. They took a photo of each one of them with their tablet. They then found a dust covered data stick, and placed it in their pocket for later viewing. None of the equipment here was likely to work at all, and if it did, it was likely unsecured.

Thiol having examined everything, returned to their ship, without a word.

 


 

Everything has a price, especially knowledge. That is why it is best to create a need in the other party that is extremely easy for you to provide for. That is why Thiol used his tablet to sabotage the cloaking device remotely.

Thiol reclined in their chair in the bridge of their ship. Their ship was safely in orbit of the planet Jupiter, and it was now time to dig through Uku’s private files. Thiol pulled out a spare tablet, disconnected completely from any of his ships systems, and inserted the data stick.

On it, were mostly routine and uninteresting files, as could be expected. There was one file of interest, though. It was a text file, entitled, Kukoum. From their years of digging, Thiol had gathered that Kukoum was likely either an alias they had used in the past, or someone involved with what they were looking for. Either way, Kukoum appeared to have met a grizzly end at the hands of what appeared to be his friends.

The text file read as follows:

Regarding the matter of Kukoum: I write this log in fear that it one day may be needed for the survival of the settlement. In the founding of Yvan, and the exodus of the Yvnivians from the Klaxx-on oppressors, I utilized many contractors. They were recruited for me by a sympathizer in the Klaxx-on government, known to me simply as Syn. I wired him the necessary funds, and that was that. Kukoum was one of those contractors. Kukoum was very private, which is to be expected from contractors, but I received a dossier from him, regarding his strengths. I also received a method to contact him if things were to go awry. He said he didn’t consider this contract to be one and done, he preferred to ensure the prolonged success of those involved. I am unsure if this is typical of him or if he just had a special interest in my case.

Many years later, once the settlement had been founded, I received a message from Syn. He instructed me to summon Kukoum here, or else he would reveal my location to the Klaxx-on government. He said to summon him to arrive at 18:50:01:02:19as. That date was two days after I received the message. He didn’t say what was going to happen, nor did he provide any other details. I had a great deal of respect for Kukoum, but this was something I simply could not risk. I informed Kukoum of when I needed him to arrive, and that was that. Two days later, many Klaxx-on ships appeared in orbit, and I thought Syn had sold us out. Syn, however, beamed down to the planet to speak to me. He told me that as long as I had held up my end of the bargain, my people were in no danger. The force was here to draw Kukoum in, and to subdue him. He said this was a completely off the books operation, and as long as I cooperated, my people would remain unharmed. I ushered them all inside the hall of histories for shelter, and I waited. I did not see what happened to Kukoum, but I imagine he is dead now. This is all I know.

Attached to the document, was a Klaxx-on communication ID, labelled Syn. Thiol typed it into their database, and found it traced to a home on Klaxx-on 2, the capitol planet.

 


 

[Previous Part]

 

Hey everyone! This is where this story ends for now, but I may come back to it later. If you enjoyed it and want to read more, please let me know!

 

(Art credit: WordPress Free Photo Library)

Thiol: Part One

Thiol stepped off the ramp to their ship. At the push of a button, the ramp closed behind them. Their ship was a customary Klax-on vessel, rugged and simple. The green and blue blobbed pattern looked awful, but it allegedly blended in better in orbit. They needed to try one last thing before they left this system, but if they were honest, they were already planning where they would go after they had failed. So many failed attempts could only lead one to become jaded, nonetheless, they must try. If they didn’t at least try then they had truly lost any sense of purpose.

They approached a gray fabricated building, a cylinder, two stories high, relatively large. They had been in many identical buildings before, as any food or drink dispensary was produced with an identical template. They could build or demolish one of these in an afternoon. Etched above a plain titanium door, was the name of the bar, the only unique thing about the structure. ‘Xor’, it read. This was the place. Thiol pushed through the door.

The structure of nearly every Klax-on bar was identical, which lead the individual bars to seek miscellaneous items from every corner of the empire, sometimes even beyond, to set their place apart. This one was clearly based on the desert world of Klax-on 78. There were carapace tables and chairs, but Thiol doubted their authenticity. The counter itself was coated with definitely fake scale. The carapace was possible, but everyone knows that scale coated surfaces are always fake, it would be far too costly to just help set the aesthetic of a bar.

As they entered, not a single head turned, because Thiol was just another local seeking numb the pain of oppression. Thiol had been to many different systems, and found the quest to numb one’s pain is near universal.

They strode across the bar, and approached a feathered stout humanoid. He looked up and produced a startled cooing noise. “You are alive?” He slid a plate of shellfish across the table.

“I need to know who you sold me out to, Kurok.” Thiol spoke in a monotone voice. They glanced down at the shelled meat. It produced a natural high in the locals, and wasn’t restricted under Klaxx-on code. Unfortunately it only produced a high in the locals.

“I can’t tell you that I ever knew.” Kurok shook his lower beak and cooed in remorse.

“That is bad for you.” Thiol placed a pistol on the table.

“I don’t fear you, Kukoum.” Kurok laughed. “It will take more than one gun to lean on me.”

Thiol pulled a tablet from his belt, and slid it across the table. On it was a simple list of names and exact addresses.

Kurok growled softly. “I don’t take this lightly, but I will give you what I have.” He pulled the plate of shellfish back towards him, and threw one, unshelled, into his mouth. “They didn’t want to tell me who they were, but I don’t like doing business without some kind of leverage. So I had some people look into him. He is some kind of creature from the terran system, and that is all I have.”

Thiol stood up without a word, and holstered their pistol.

“One more thing, Kukoum.” The feathers around his beak stood up, and the shell in his mouth rattled as he spoke. “I consider us even. So never return, lest I reconsider our balance.”

“Not to worry, your culture is simplistic, and my brief stay here has already been miserable.” Thiol strode out without another word. A brief moment, and they returned to their ship, and left the system.

 


 

Gas giants aren’t exactly conducive to life, in and of themselves. In some systems, gas giants were used as hubs for shipping and space stations, but the Terran’s lacked the technology required to take advantage of this. In search of life in the terran system, why would one come to the portion inhabited by gas giants, then? The moons.

Saturn, in particular, had a moon worth checking on. This moon was selected by a group of primitivists as their home. They sought to get away from the Klaxx-on empire, away from modern culture and technology, and they selected a system far enough out of reach of the empire to not be of particular worry. This system had two options, and one was already inhabited. Now, one might assume they just immediately came to the uninhabited world, since they were primitivists after all, but one would be wrong.

Terra was more or less the level of technology they had romanticized, and wanted so badly to return to. They landed there, expecting welcome and cooperation, and they received nothing but pain. The humans welcomed them at first, but their tune soon changed. They made a move in the dead of night, and half of the primitivists were slaughtered. The remaining half settled here, on Yvan. They retrofitted their ship into a cloaking device, to try to hide themselves from the empire, and thus far it worked.

Thiol landed in a clearing in the forest surrounding their settlement. They strained themself, and the beak retreated back into their face, a snout reformed. They stepped off the ramp of their ship, and saw a group of mounted Yvnivians approaching. Thiol took a glance behind himself at their ship. It was still the same style, but it was now a uniform gray, no longer bearing the gaudy colors of the Klaxx-ons.

The mounted party was now nearly upon Thiol. The thunder of claws on earth subsided, and one individual stepped forwards. They wore a scale helm, with tusks jutting out from the sides. Their mount was a low to the ground chitinous hexapod. A hoofed biped stepped off of the creature. Its skin was covered in fur, but it was armored with scale. Thiol recognized the helm, as something worn by the leader.

“Return to your vessel, at once.” The biped spoke in a low rumble.

“No.” Thiol replied. “I need access to the records of Yelor.”

“Return to your vessel!” The biped repeated, raising a spear.

“I’m invoking the rite of power, I wish to challenge you for your title.” Thiol stared down the biped.

The biped stuck the butt of the spear into the ground in front of him. “That law has not been in effect for generations, as it lead to nothing but strife. If you wish to prove your intentions, then you must help us. Then, I will grant you access to the hall of histories.”

 


 

[Next Part]

 

(Art credit: WordPress Free Photo Library)

Friendship: Part Two

Jonathon sat in a bar on the third moon of Ethyl. He downed his third whiskey and looked around the bar. The walls were made of wood on the inside, but that was just panelling, the outside was made of some kind of secretion they make. The bar was Earth themed on the inside, the walls were bedecked with random traffic signs, records, and newspapers. 

As he was surveying the bar, someone tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around, and all he saw was a fist. 

Jonathon woke up in some kind of holding cell. He looked at the walls of the cell, and saw they were some kind of transparent light barrier. Jonathon spit at the barrier and it ran down the side. Solid then, doesn’t appear to disintegrate anything… He felt at his holsters to see if his captor was smart enough to take his guns, unfortunately his captor was. Jonathon felt the inside of his boots and saw his decoy knives had been taken. He felt along his inner thigh and felt that his hidden knife was still there.

Jonathon scanned the room for cameras, and saw one at every corner of the room, offering a 360 view of him. Jonathon was about to try to stealthily maneuver his knife when he heard a voice.

“You’re awake.” The voice was raspy and deep, definitely Klax-On.

“Indeed I am.” Jonathon looked around the room, but it was too dark to see where the speaker was standing.

“Good.” The speaker walked around in the shadows, Jonathon could hear his boots, but couldn’t quite pinpoint it.

“So, what do you want? The bounty? I assume I still have a bounty.” Jonathon stood to his feet and kept looking for the source of the voice.

“I want you to hurt…” The Klax-On lingered on that last word, savoring it like the last bite of a fine steak. 

“Well, then- AGH!” Jonathon howled in pain and collapsed to the floor as a massive current surged through his body. Jonathon writhed on the floor for a moment and the current stopped.

“I want to hurt you, like you hurt me…” The Klax-On’s voice was dripping with malice.

Jonathon gasped for breath and slowly sat up. “I’m sure, we could work something- AGH!” He fell to the ground again as he was electrocuted. The current continued for about a minute, then ceased. Jonathon gasped for breath and stayed on the ground.

There was a beep and the walls of the cell came down. Jonathon looked up, and a four armed humanoid in black and gold armor stepped into the light, with a large knife in one of his hands. He had an obscene scar on his face, and Jonathon couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d seen him before.

“Kill me then.” Jonathon glared up at the Klax-On.

“Get up.” The figure stood over Jonathon as he slowly stumbled to his feet. The Klax-On punched Jonathon in the face, sending him falling back down to the ground. “Up.”

Jonathon made no response.

The Klax-On delivered a sharp kick to his ribs. “Up.”

Jonathon rolled over, and looked up. “Just do it.” Jonathon coughed up some blood, and got back to his feet. He swung a fist, but the Klax-On easily stepped out of the way, sending Jonathon tumbling to the ground again. Jonathon reached into his pants and pulled out his knife. Jonathon shouted as he rushed the Klax-On, but he just grabbed Jonathon’s arm, twisting it behind his back. There was a crack and a clang as Jonathon’s arm broke and he dropped his knife. 

Jonathon shouted and fell to the ground in pain. The Klax-On kicked him in the ribs.

“Get off my ship.” The Klax-On pointed to a door. He walked over to a panel on the wall and the door slid open.

Jonathon stumbled towards the door, making no witty remarks, and coughing up blood on the way.

“Wherever you go, I will be following, and each time I catch up will be worse than the last.” The Klax-On slowly walked behind Jonathon, once he was by the door, he kicked Jonathon to the ground outside of the ship and slammed the door shut. The ship took off to the skies.

“Jonny!” Jonathon looked up and saw Laura running towards him from the bar he was at earlier. Jonathon opened his mouth, and collapsed to the ground.

 


 

[Previous Part]

 

(Art credit: WordPress Free Photo Library)

Friendship: Part One

This is a previously established character, the past entry doesn’t really matter for understanding this one, but here’s the link: That’s A Myth

 

Jonathon waited quietly behind a pile of boxes in a large warehouse. He peaked over the boxes and saw the guard was almost right where he wanted him. He looked over at Laura who was behind a different stack of boxes and nodded. Laura nodded back. Jonathon leapt out and took his shot, blasting the guard to the ground. 

“Halt!” 2 Klax-On guards shouted, as they leveled their weapons at him.

“Alright, surely we can work something out.” Jonathon slowly raised his hands in the air, while secretly flipping a switch on each of his guns.

“No. You are under arrest.” The two guards advanced on him.

“Well, I was hoping that we didn’t have to do this, but…” Jonathon pulled the triggers of both of his guns and blasts fired out of the bottom of each of the handles. The two guards fell to the ground.

Jonathon sighed with relief and lowered his guns. Through the main door to the warehouse, entered a hundred Klax-On soldiers.

“Shit…” Jonathon muttered. Jonathon pressed a button on his wrist, but nothing happened. “Shit!” 

“Jonathon I need more time.” Laura’s voice came in his ears. “They’re headed my way.”

“Shit…” Jonathon looked around the room and saw a pile of crates leading up to a large shelf, that ran across the entire room. Jonathon sprinted to the pile of boxes and began the climb. 

Jonathon pulled himself up boxes and clambered onto the top of the shelf. He paused a moment to catch his breath, then fired both of his guns a few times.

“Alright boys!” Jonathon shouted to the hoard of Klax-On soldiers. “Let’s play king of the hill.”

Jonathon began to pick off Klax-Ons, as the hoard advanced onto the shelf. The soldiers began to make their way to the same stack of boxes Jonathon had climbed, and Jonathon stood near the edge, picking them off as they climbed. Slowly the hoard advanced up the makeshift staircase, climbing on the bodies of their fallen comrades. Suddenly, Jonathon’s guns began to hiss and the triggers locked up. 

“Shit.” Jonathon holstered his guns and sprinted the other way. Jonathon heard and felt the shelf shaking as the hoard stormed towards him. “Laura! You’re out of time!”

“Alright, meet me where we came in.”

“Copy.” Jonathon was almost at the edge of the shelf. He saw the drop, it was about 3 stories down. Normally the Klax-Ons would use a lev-cart, but Jonathon didn’t have one of those, so he was left with few options. He examined the back wall of the warehouse above the hole, and saw there was a bar about halfway down. “That might just do it…” 

Jonathon didn’t pause as he leapt off of the shelf, legs still kicking. He reached his hands above his head, ready to grab the bar and possibly dislocate his shoulders. Jonathon managed to wrap his hands around the bar and catch himself. “Shit!” He yelled as his shoulder popped out of its socket. He let go of the bar and dropped the remaining way to the floor. The impact certainly didn’t feel good, but he was fine.

Jonathon saw Laura sprint past him through the hole they had made in the wall, and Jonathon followed. They ran through the hole and into an alley. The alley was empty, but for a few doors, and a ladder. Laura jumped up onto the ladder and was onto the roof in seconds. Jonathon jumped up and caught the ladder, and made his way up. 

A hand grabbed Jonathon’s leg, almost yanking him off of the ladder, but he caught himself. He looked down and saw a Klax-on wearing what looked like a motorcycle helmet. The Klax-on gripped tightly, and Jonathon yelled in pain. 

Laura approached the edge and slid Jonathon a gun. Jonathon took his shot and the Klax-on dropped to the ground. Jonathon looked down for a moment and saw a smoking hole in the helmet’s visor. 

“Alright let’s go!” Laura pulled Jonathon the rest of the way onto the roof, and the pair hopped into their ship.

 


 

[Next Part]

 

(Art credit: WordPress Free Photo Library)

That’s A Myth

Jonathon sat in a chair in front of an immense console of flashing buttons, knobs, and a yoke. He looked through a large window down onto a moon, that looked to be covered with buildings. The reactor steadily hummed in the background, the ship was otherwise relatively quiet.

“Dorian, commence landing protocol at site 1726.” Jonathon strapped himself into his chair.

“Yes, captain.” A high pitched male voice sounded from the computer.

“So do you really think this is an actual lead?” A woman asked from behind him.

“I’m not sure what I think Laura.” Jonathon sighed and turned to face her. “I do know one thing though.” He smiled. “This is one of the better bars around here. Kind of a hole in the wall, but definitely worth a stop on its own, so not really that much of a loss.”

“Why is it these guys always have to meet in bars? Why don’t they ever pick a shopping center or a concert hall?” She tried to hide her smile.

“That’s a good point. Alright, the next seedy criminal we need to meet, I’ll get him to meet us at a mall.” He laughed and turned back to the console.

“Landing protocol complete, captain.” Dorian chimed.

“Alright, are you ready?” Jonathon unstrapped his restraints and got out of his seat.

“Yeah, I’m always ready for a seedy bar.” Laura jumped to her feet and went out ahead of him.

“Hey! Hole in the wall doesn’t always mean seedy!” He called after her. He walked through the hall of the ship and out onto the platform.

Jonathon stopped and looked back at the ship. It was about the size of a large two story house. He looked at the name: The Nautilus II. “You know Laura? The Nautilus II is really warming up to me, feels like home, ya know?”

“Well, if you love it so much, why don’t you marry it?” She laughed and poked him in the side.

“Well, honey, polygamy is still frowned upon, even in space.” He hugged her. “It looks like you’re stuck with me.”

“C’mon, we’re gonna be late.” She laughed, dragging him behind her.

They walked up to a medium sized building. The walls were a smooth gray on the outside, with a simple metal door. They looked up and saw a flickering neon sign that said: BAR.

Laura stopped and looked over to Jonathon. “So you’re saying that you wouldn’t call this seedy?”

“What’s that saying? ‘Never judge a book by its cover?’” Jonathon opened the door and they stepped in.

The bar was dimly lit by one light on the ceiling. Everything in the bar looked like it was salvaged from a junkyard, nothing was matching. The dim lighting almost managed to conceal all of the trash, crumbs, and spots on the floor. There was a vaguely humanoid blob laying in the center of the bar. It seemed to be moderately crowded, every table had at least one person sitting at it.

Jonathon walked up to the bar. Behind the bar stood a scaly humanoid, with a beard of brown feathers. Jonathon glanced over the bar and saw the man was in fact, quite small, and standing on a platform.

“What’ll you have?” The bartender spoke in a low tone, looking to Jonathon.

“Dealer’s choice.” Jonathon and the bartender both turned to Laura.

“I’ll have whatever you give him.”

The bartender nodded and pulled two glasses from the bar. He pulled two hoses from under the bar, and filled both glasses with half of each. He slid the glasses their way.

Jonathon dropped a few square coins on the counter and stepped away. He surveyed the bar. He saw many people, all of different species. He looked towards the back of the bar and saw a four armed humanoid wearing very bulky clothing, covering almost his entire body. He nodded to Laura and they both sat at the table with him.

The humanoid sat in silence as Laura and Jonathon both took their seats. His face was entirely covered except for his yellow eyes. Once they were seated he looked around, eventually seeming to be satisfied. “Do you have the credits?” He spoke in an almost normal human voice.

“Half now, half after.” Jonathon slid a fist sized bag over the table.

He inspected the bag for a moment and nodded. “Alright, I understand you’re in the market for… Valuable objects.” He looked between the two, trying to gauge his success, but their faces remained stoic. “I know where the horn of Magun-Viol lies.”

Jonathon laughed and began to get up from his chair.

“No! Wait!” He slid a card across the table.

Jonathon stopped and read the card. He looked up at him. “Lift your mask.”

The figure slowly lifted his mask and Jonathon saw a pale white face with red streaks. Jonathon had suspected he was Klax-On by his four arms, but the face confirmed his suspicions.

Jonathon sat back down at the table and slid the Klax-On his card. “That horn is a myth.”

“I am Gro-Unz, I was on the high council of artificers. They betrayed me and I made off with this, and some information.” He reached into a pocket of his bulky jacket and pulled out a roll of paper. “We discovered something.” He leaned in. “While Klax-On prime was ruined, it was not utterly destroyed.” He unfurled the roll of paper revealing a map. “Deep inside of his temple, you will find his horn, and Hurg knows what other artifacts.”

“And why would you sell me this instead of get it yourself?” Jonathon stared intensely at the map, trying to memorize it in case the Klax-On tried to pull something.

“Because, it is heavily trapped, and locked under several locks. Only a master could pull this off, so this map is of no use to me besides coin and revenge.” He rolled the map back up. “So, what do you say, Jonathon? This map tells you everything that you will need, without it, this would be impossible.”

“What’s your price?” Jonathon eyed the Klax-On suspiciously, he didn’t have the best of relationships with Klax-Ons in general, much less the high council of artificers.

“Five thousand credits and your promise to succeed.” He stuck out one of his hands for a handshake.

Jonathon shook his hand, rummaged through his bag, and slid him two pouches of coins. The man handed him the map and went on his way.

“So what do you think?” Jonathon turned to Laura.

“Well, we haven’t got much better to do, this seems like an excellent laying low activity.” She smiled.

“I agree.” Jonathon took a sip of his drink and promptly spat it out. “I believe that is actually piss.” Laura smiled trying to hold back laughter. “Okay fine, the bar is seedy.”